Archive for the ‘fat cat’ Tag

So bummed

Yeah, hi.  Whatever.  

Never was a vacation so violently and disagreeably interrupted as mine was last night.  I’m still in shock over it all.  I mean, you’d think a guy could get more than 58 hours of consecutive sleep, but nooooo.  Oh no, I have to go and be licked nearly to smithereens by the grossest, foulest, vilest creature on the face of the planet.  I’m put out about it, really I am.  It makes a guy want to go find a nice, warm closet to hide in.

On the half-full side of things, my humans are home again.  They’re really great, my humans.  They’re decent, solid, salt-of-the-earth types, you know?  They respect me and they understand why I’ve just gots to get a good purr on when I see them after they’ve been gone for a while, and they’re totally cool with cleaning my litter box right away.  Gettin’ a little freshness in there, if you know what I mean.  Not that *I* cause it to be unfresh, you understand.  The girlz outnumber me by far, so don’t you go and forget about them, ok?  Good.

My one human’s mom (who’s also one of my most devoted readers) gave me a present.  It’s a statue of what’s supposed to be me, or a cat like me, but it’s grossly exaggerated.  Seriously— this statue is really fat.  It’s fat!  I’m all about accepting gifts of a rolly-poly nature, but if this statue is supposed to represent me, Max, then I’m yet again put out.  

I’ll let you be the judge.


My mini-me?  I think not.

My mini-me? I think not.


Continuing the tour of my head…

Did you ever see the back of your head?  It’s hard to do.  You can never get the angle just right when you hold a mirror up in the bathroom.  Then in pictures, you know, things are always distorted.  I asked Maya to take this picture of the back of my head and, bonus bonus, my neck is there, too!  OMG oh no you didn’t!  I do so have a neck.  I’ll just pretend you didn’t say that.

I’ve never even considered what the back of my NECK looks like, have you?  So strange.  And that angle is perfect for an awesome, strong cat like me.  Yeah, meh-ROW.  The lighting is perfect, too– minimal distortion lighting falls through the window of my newly-renovated study.  See how my green chair with my blanket’s nowhere to be found?  That’s because this picture was taken just after my new carpet came, and I had to move all of my furniture to other parts of the house for the day.

Woah, earlier today Maya tried to eat my breakfast.  I almost forgot about that.  You gotta know how a guy feels about his breakfast, come on!  Oh yeah, she got some all right– a big Max-whack upside her fluffy head is what she had for breakfast.  Meh meh meh!

Hello, back of my head and neck.  Nice to see you!

Hello, back of my head and neck. Nice to see you!

Nose Freckles

It was my nose freckles that did it– won the heart of He Who Adopted Me.  True, at first he thought my nose freckles were bits of dirt.  Oh the joy on his face he realized the dirt would not wipe off!

This is a picture of my nose freckles.  See them?  

You’ll also see how cute I am when I sleep blissfully.  This is pure sleepy bliss, I tell ya.  I enjoy as much sleepful bliss as I possibly can.  In fact, sleeping is my favorite activity after issuing forth robust “mehs.”  There are all sorts of great places to sleep at my pad.  The bed, the end cushion of the couch, the big red chair, of course the green chair with my blanket, the other end cushion or even the middle cushion of the couch, the closet, on top of the hamper in the bathroom… I can’t even list all the great places.  

The best, the absolute best place to nap is on a nice human belly.  Human bellies are so soft and squishy!  I was on one for awhile during a movie we were all watching today.  Nope, don’t know what the movie was cuz I was nappin’– sorry.  

Heh heh meh.  The two dogs who live here got baths today.  I watched from a window and they didn’t know I was watching so I saw everything.  They stink all the time.  Why don’t they bathe themselves?  It works really well… when you can reach all of your parts and places, anyway.  You know what?  You just made me mad because I know you had a fat joke running through your head just now.  

Maybe you don’t get to see my nose freckles.  Maybe you’d just better go do some laundry or something.  Better yet, make my dinner.  


Aahh, blissful sleep.  Aah, handsome nose freckles.

Aahh, blissful sleep. Aah, handsome nose freckles.

Big Day

Today is a big day for me.  It’s the second day in a row for posting on my new blog.

It’s still early–maybe too early to tell–but I think I’ll lay on the bed for most of the day.  If my humans come home at lunch, I’ll tell them, “Meh!”, but that’s about it.  Maybe I can meh them into feeding me again.  And DANG my water needs to be changed!  It’s not my fault there was litter stuck between my toes when I put my paw in the water for a temp check.

This picture is of me laying on the stairs in my old bachelor pad.  It was one of the most comfortable positions I have ever found because those steps were the ideal width to support my… oh you shush up!

You like this angle?  Yeah, it's flattering-- I know.

You like this angle? Yeah, it's flattering-- I know.

Furry Forays

This is my first foray into blogging.  So far, me likes.  Have fun learning about me and seeing how I roll.  Ha ha, very funny.  Watch the fat jokes.


Oh yeah, I show it.  I lay it all out.

Oh yeah, I show it. I lay it all out.